Mom Guilt….. Have you ever felt it? How does it creep in?
Mom guilt is real. It effects so many if not all moms out there and it sucks. Im going to be real honest and pretty vulnerable here for a moment. I suffer from mom guilt. Almost 7 years ago I became a mom. That day I met my baby girl my entire world changed for the better. Everything was wonderful my perfect little girl would look up at me and smile and there were days I felt like a queen. Then MOM GUILT! I will never forget the very day that I first felt it. My daughter was 5 days old. I had just returned home from the hospital and still recovering from my cesarean section. She was hungry and I was doing everything to feed her and she just wouldn’t latch or calm down long enough to get enough milk. I could feel my shoulders creeping up and the tears coming, while at the same time anger flooded over me. WHY!!! WHY won’t you calm down I thought! I sat her down a little forcefully and walked away. Instantly my mom guilt kicked in! I couldn’t believe it! How did I just set my baby on the floor and leave walk away. She’s hungry… She doesn’t know how to communicate other than crying… How dare I? I have told myself I am a terrible mom so many times, ie: When I went back to work, Stopped Breastfeeding, had another baby and didn’t give the other kids as much attention, my son broke his leg cause I let him step off to steep of a step, when I am gone for long periods of time etc etc. The list could go on forever! There are many ways that mom guilt can creep into our lives.
The following are moments we may tend to feel mom guilt more.
- Anxiety and or Depression
- The feeling of having to be “perfect” (there is no such thing)
- Social Media and more
How do we overcome mom guilt?
Mom guilt looks different for everyone. In today’s world there is so much pressure in our society, expectations of what other moms are doing and what is the best way to be a mom. From the very beginning the pressure is there on what is the best thing to do. Should I have an unmedicated birth or a medicated birth, Should I breastfeed or not, should I go back to work or be a stay at home mom, should I hire a nanny or take my child to daycare. YOU NAME IT! We ask ourselves these questions all the time and its silly. THERE IS NO FAILING!!!! Really though there isin’t! Momma’s you’re doing a great job. Please believe it. There is no book out there that can tell us exactly how each child is going to be and how we as parents should be. According to Postpartumdepression.org 70-80% of mommas experience the “Baby Blues” and a recent study 1 in 7 women can expect to experience postpartum depression in the first year of pregnancy. Postpartum depression can stem from mom guilt. And as mentioned in a few blogs back even Antepartum depression can happen.
So how do we overcome this feeling of mom guilt?
- Change our thoughts- we do not have to compete with Mary Jane and Sally Jo. Be the best mom you can be and don’t worry and focus so much on what everyone else is doing.
- Accept- Accept the way you parent. Chances are you’re amazing and you just need to accept it.
- Let the guilt go- There are so many things in life that we can feel guilty for. We need to let them go. Do your best and learn from what things you wan’t to keep and things you want to change and don’t let the guilt take over.
- Know your children love you- Most of the time we may do something or say something that we regret. Our children know we are not perfect- they love YOU more than you know!
- Consider what you contribute- This applies to all mommas. I have heard oh so many times working moms bashing stay at home moms and vice versa. No matter your role in the home or workplace recognize what you contribute to your family and give yourself a pat on the back.
What I hope you leave with today is the knowledge that momma…. You’re amazing. We have to let the fear, shame, guilt, and doubt go. I saw this video one day and it really hit me hard. I bawled while watching and then watched it again and bawled even more. Please know you’re amazing mommas. Keep rocking parenthood and know you’re not alone and there are others that are feeling that mom guilt too. Lets end the mom guilt.
Source: Postpartum Depression