salt lake city doula

Mom guilt

Mom Guilt….. Have you ever felt it? How does it creep in? 

Mom guilt is real. It effects so many if not all moms out there and it sucks. Im going to be real honest and pretty vulnerable here for a moment. I suffer from mom guilt. Almost 7 years ago I became a mom. That day I met my baby girl my entire world changed for the better. Everything was wonderful my perfect little girl would look up at me and smile and there were days I felt like a queen. Then MOM GUILT! I will never forget the very day that I first felt it. My daughter was 5 days old. I had just returned home from the hospital and still recovering from my cesarean section. She was hungry and I was doing everything to feed her and she just wouldn’t latch or calm down long enough to get enough milk. I could feel my shoulders creeping up and the tears coming, while at the same time anger flooded over me. WHY!!! WHY won’t you calm down I thought! I sat her down a little forcefully and walked away. Instantly my mom guilt kicked in! I couldn’t believe it! How did I just set my baby on the floor and leave walk away. She’s hungry… She doesn’t know how to communicate other than crying… How dare I? I have told myself I am a terrible mom so many times, ie: When I went back to work, Stopped Breastfeeding, had another baby and didn’t give the other kids as much attention, my son broke his leg cause I let him step off to steep of a step, when I am gone for long periods of time etc etc. The list could go on forever! There are many ways that mom guilt can creep into our lives.

Tiny Blessings doula's son breaks leg

 

The following are moments we may tend to feel mom guilt more.

 

  • Tiredness
  • Anxiety and or Depression
  • Overworking
  • The feeling of having to be “perfect” (there is no such thing)
  • Social Media and more

How do we overcome mom guilt?

Mom guilt looks different for everyone. In today’s world there is so much pressure in our society, expectations of what other moms are doing and what is the best way to be a mom. From the very beginning the pressure is there on what is the best thing to do. Should I have an unmedicated birth or a medicated birth, Should I breastfeed or not, should I go back to work or be a stay at home mom, should I hire a nanny or take my child to daycare. YOU NAME IT! We ask ourselves these questions all the time and its silly. THERE IS NO FAILING!!!! Really though there isin’t! Momma’s you’re doing a great job. Please believe it. There is no book out there that can tell us exactly how each child is going to be and how we as parents should be. According to Postpartumdepression.org 70-80% of mommas experience the “Baby Blues” and a recent study 1 in 7 women can expect to experience postpartum depression in the first year of pregnancy. Postpartum depression can stem from mom guilt. And as mentioned in a few blogs back even Antepartum depression can happen.

So how do we overcome this feeling of mom guilt? 

  • Change our thoughts- we do not have to compete with Mary Jane and Sally Jo. Be the best mom you can be and don’t worry and focus so much on what everyone else is doing.
  • Accept- Accept the way you parent. Chances are you’re amazing and you just need to accept it.
  • Let the guilt go- There are so many things in life that we can feel guilty for. We need to let them go. Do your best and learn from what things you wan’t to keep and things you want to change and don’t let the guilt take over.
  • Know your children love you- Most of the time we may do something or say something that we regret. Our children know we are not perfect- they love YOU more than you know!
  • Consider what you contribute- This applies to all mommas. I have heard oh so many times working moms bashing stay at home moms and vice versa. No matter your role in the home or workplace recognize what you contribute to your family and give yourself a pat on the back.

You’re AMAZING!

What I hope you leave with today is the knowledge that momma…. You’re amazing. We have to let the fear, shame, guilt, and doubt go. I saw this video one day and it really hit me hard. I bawled while watching and then watched it again and bawled even more. Please know you’re amazing mommas. Keep rocking parenthood and know you’re not alone and there are others that are feeling that mom guilt too. Lets end the mom guilt.

XOXO- Meagan

Source: Postpartum Depression  

Utah VBAC Link- Tiny Blessings Partners up

VBAC doula in salt lake city meagan heaton teams up with utah vbac linkI am super excited to announce that I will be teaming up with the wonderful Julie Francom in a company called Utah VBAC Link. Together we are trained doulas who can’t wait to help couples during their VBAC journey’s and educate on Cesarean prevention. We will be providing evidence based information and helping couples have educated conversations with their providers and support teams. I am honored that Julie has asked me to partner up with her. We wan’t The Utah VBAC Link to be a safe place for you to ask questions, share your stories, and find great resources during your birth experience. Both Julie and I have had Cesarean Sections and have had VBAC’s. While pregnant with the ending goal of a vaginal birth we both found ourselves looking for resources and facts that we could get for ourselves. Although there is most definitely information out there we always seemed to want more. Coming fall we plan to bring a whole new resource to our mommas here in Utah and look forward to educating couples all over the Utah Valley.

Tiny Blessings will still be offering doula services to all mommas. 

Please share your story on social media and hashtag #whywevbac for a chance to have your story featured on our blog website and more.

Leg Burner Pregnancy/Postpartum workout.

Hello Hello! Who is ready for a Leg Burner?

It has been a little bit since I posted a video. I just finished filming a Leg Burner pregnancy/postpartum workout and am excited to share it with you today. One of the areas that seem to lose tone and gain more weight during pregnancy seems to be my legs. I also just love working my legs in general so I figured it would be fun to do a video just on legs. This video is a guaranteed leg burner and is short and sweet.

I was so lucky when my client who had just had her baby agreed to film in the video with me. I would love your opinions on having a guest in the videos in the future.

Check out the leg burner HERE

A post from my husband!

Today I wanted to share with you a sweet post that my husband recently posted on my facebook page. I walked out of a prenatal visit and was notified that he had tagged me in a post. I figured it was something about our kids or something. To my surprise it was a long post that brought on many tears. I cant thank my husband enough for his incredible love and support.

Last night she was gone again. I was about to get off of work (4:30 pm) and she called and let me know that a soon-to-be mother was in labor and needed her. I rushed home and as I walked in she walked out. She had a rushed look on her face as she was worried she wouldn’t make it on time. The kids and I had a great night (its nice being able to bond with my kids when Mom is gone) which consisted of bike riding, pizza, book reading, and bedtime. After the kids were down I received a message from my wife that the mother was pushing, shortly after that another message that the mother had given birth to a baby boy (8:30 pm). She typically waits with the new family for a couple of hours so she would be home later. Get another message that the mother is a little woozy and that she would be staying with them for a bit longer (10:20 pm) to make sure that they were settled and safe before she left. She arrived home hungry and happy (11:00 pm) and we chatted for a minute before heading to bed together.

This has become a fairly regular occurrence lately as my wife’s Doula services have become more and more in demand. Truth is I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have had the blessing of knowing my wife for 10 years now and throughout that time i have seen how much she absolutely loves people. She is an extrovert of epic proportions, she takes 30+ minutes to say goodbyes at gatherings and on phone calls. When we started having kids and she decided that she wanted to stay home to raise them she struggled immensely with the lack of social interaction with other adults. She started teaching dance a few nights a week to try to fill that void, unfortunately that didn’t truly “fulfill her” (she loves dance and teaching dance and our two little girls will be dancers for their entire life, much to the chagrin of their father).
When she decided to become a Doula you could say that I was a bit skeptical, but she was determined. She took certification classes and started her journey. She has dedicated herself to this role more than any other role in her life (apart from being a wife, and mother which she is amazing at). She has had her share of successes and failures in this journey but there has been one thing that has remained constant… That smile on her face. She loves this work, she loves the medical professionals that she works with, she loves the families she meets, she loves the mothers, she loves the babies, and she especially loves childbirth. I can’t imagine anything better for a husband to ask for than a constant smile on his wife’s face. This “calling” has provided that for her”

I am so grateful for my husband and how supportive he is when it comes to doula work. I know that without him this roll would not be possible. And thank you to all my incredible clients who invite me along their journeys. Summer is here! I cant even believe June has come and gone. May and June were busy months for me at Tiny Blessings Doula services. Lots of beautiful babies being born and wonderful families being added to. Check out some of the adorable families in the “My amazing clients” album on facebook

I have also filmed a couple more videos which I am very excited about. They are coming here soon I promise. I hope everyone is having an amazing summer so far. See you soon!

Utah Doula Association Spring Conference 2017

I am so excited to announce that this April the Utah Doula Association will be holding their 2017 Spring Conference. I am so honored to be able to be on the conference committee this year. We have planned an amazing day planned. This event is going to be filled with amazing speakers, food, and company. We have the founder of the UDA coming to speak along with Dr. Jed VanDenBerghe to discuss on the Holistic Approach on Autism, Terah Jones, FNP & Cami Bearnson, RN, CNM Candidate supporting families that have unplanned outcomes during birth and many more. There will also be amazing giveaways through the day.

Something I would like to clarify is that this event is not only for those in the birthing community. This event is for EVERYONE. The Utah doula association has made it easy for anyone to attend. If you are a birth worker and you are not sure if you can attend because you have a client due thats okay too. There is a new perk this year so if your on call and can’t make it that’s okay! You won’t miss out. There is an online version available.

This is an event you wont want to miss. Early bird pricing is happening right now. 80$ for the entire day ALSO be entered to win a beautiful robozo just for registering. Ticket pricing goes up February 8th. Head over to Utah doula.org NOW.
Tiny blessings doula invites you to the utah doula association sprig conference 2017

5 common doula myths you may hear

 

doula-myth
Common Doula Myths

When I tell people I’m a doula I get a lot of responses like oh my gosh you deliver babies, or do you take over the dads job during labor?
I think there are a lot of myths about doulas. Here are a few of the most common myths.

As your Doula my goal is to help couples enjoy their birthing experience by providing educational support as well as physical. I can help you get through any doubts or fears that you or your partner may have, while helping you gain knowledge of the situation and comfort you along your birthing experience. Although Im not on call until 38 weeks I am there for you from the moment you hire me, via phone, e mail, text.

In our prenatal visits I will help educate you with questions you may have and help provide the needed resources for further research or care IE: Chiro, Energy work etc. I am there as apart of your birthing team and will support any decisions you make during your journey. A lot  of people think that doula’s only support unmedicated moms and that is not true. I want to support couples in all birth settings. One of my goals as your doula is to help your partner feel at ease and educated about what is happening.

Here are 5 Common Myths about Doulas:

1 – I am not wanting to go unmedicated, so I wont need a doula.* Something to remember is as a doula I am there to support you no matter what your birth plan may be. If you are wanting a medicated birth there are still many ways that I am able to help you. ie: Positions on the bed that can help with rotation of baby and progression, education on what the next step of labor and birth may be and what to expect once its time to push, Support for the partner so they can feel comfortable with what is happening. I want to be there to support and educate you along the way no matter what birthing choice you have in mind.

2- I have a planned cesarean section. A doula cant help me. * As a fellow cesarean doula I cant stress this myth enough. There is so much as your doula that I can help with. A C-section is a major surgery and a mom and partner may have a lot of questions and may need help after. I am happy to be there before hand as well. Something I have done with c section mommas is make a blend of essential oils to help keep them calm and then also have something refreshing for them to smell while they are in the OR, I have been able to help dads know what is going on on the other side and help keep them calm while they wait for their sweet baby to arrive, I have also taken pictures for clients.

3- I have a midwife so there is no need for a doula. *Midwives are amazing! I have had my own and I don’t know what I would have done without her. However with that said I also don’t know what myself and my husband would have done without my doula(s) either. They were  with me constantly and helped my husband feel comfortable with everything that was going on. Doulas are able to provide constant physical, educational, and emotional support. Most midwives suggest a doula.

4- I wont need a doula. I have my husband. * I love hearing husbands wanting to be involved. Birth can be daunting. As your doula I will never try and take over a dads position. I am there to help dad and be on your team. Birth can often require a lot of physical support. After time it can become tiring for mom as well as her partner. That is where I step in. I can provide breaks for the partner and give ideas of how he/she can help mom cope. As your doula it is my goal to only help during the labor process not replace.

5- Doula’s try and take over . * As your doula it is not my role to make decisions for you. It is actually outside of my scope to do so. I am simply there to help you as you are making decisions to feel educated/comfortable with your decision. As your doula I will not speak to the hospital staff on your behalf or coax you into making decisions. I help educate and help you feel comfortable.  So the decision you are making is the correct one for you and your family.

I am happy to answer any questions that you may have.

mheaton23@gmail.com

801-916-3926   Meagan Heaton

 

The Birth of sweet baby Dylan

To explain the love I have for this momma would be impossible. She is my cousin, sister, and friend. I was so honored that she asked for me to attend her birth with her. I am incredibly proud of her and hope she knows how amazing she is! Here is her beautiful birth video.

 

my VBA2C Story

“In 2011 I delivered our first baby girl via Cesarean. After 12 hours of labor and getting to 3 cm dilated, I was told that I needed to go to the OR for “Failure to progress.” I was really sad but trusted in my provider that a cesarean was needed.

We became pregnant again in 2013 and I wanted to VBAC. My same provider said that he was supportive and seemed to be on board. At 36 weeks I had a weird feeling when I met with him but was too scared to switch or do anything about it. March 2014, my water broke just like it did the first time and after 18 hours my body had not yet kicked into labor. My provider came in and said that it had been long enough and even though the baby and I were not showing any signs of distress or infection the chances of infection were high and we needed to go to the OR. Once again heartbroken, I agreed and walked down to the OR.

When we found out we were pregnant again in 2015 I knew from the get go what I wanted for this pregnancy and birth. I knew most everyone would be skeptical of my choices to go for an unmedicated VBA2C and at times I can admit I was nervous. I gathered all my records from Lainey’s and Lyla’s births and took them with me to each Doctor. I read them over and over again myself trying to catch any REAL reason for my last two cesareans.

I was told by most that they felt it was safe for me to have a VBA2C. A few said they didn’t believe I ever really had a chance to labor and I just didn’t find anything I felt really should make it so I couldn’t try. I found an amazing provider (Dr. Sean Edmunds) who was very supportive and I felt very comfortable with him. But something still just didn’t feel right to me about birthing in a hospital.

After meeting with a midwife that I attended a birth with over the holidays something told me that’s where I needed to be. It took some prayers and lots of time but at 24 weeks pregnant we made the final decision that I was not going to birth at a hospital even with my history. I didn’t share this info with people because it was something my husband and I felt was right and I was worried that I may get negative thoughts questioning and I didn’t really think I could really take any of that in.

Anyway I started seeing a midwife who I absolutely adore at 24 weeks. After meeting with Danielle Demeter I knew that she was going to do everything in her power to help me achieve this goal. I hired a team of doulas (yes multiple doulas) who I knew would be exactly what we needed in this birth. My husband, Ric, was so supportive; he thought I was crazy but he supported me all along.

Fast forward to 40 weeks 4 days. He was four days overdue, but I was very content being pregnant; I was in no hurry to get him out. The pregnancy was already different in a positive way. No kidney stones, very little heartburn, chiro visits, special herbs were taken, I was able to stay active, etc. I was getting so anxious for the day to come.

June 28th I had this HUGE ball of energy and I couldn’t understand where it came from; it was a great day playing with the kids, hanging out with friends, and just enjoying being pregnant. June 29th I woke up at 3 am miserably tired but wide awake for some reason. I took a bath, played on my phone, did all these things to make me tired and nothing worked.

When I was in the bath I had all the lights off except for my phone flash light. I looked down into the tub and noticed little pieces of my mucous plug. I finished the bath and got out. I finally fell asleep at 7am and woke up at 8 am ready to be a mom for the day.

All day I felt nauseous and sluggish. I didn’t know what my deal was. I continued to see mucus throughout the day. Some of it was pink tinged. I was excited since this was a sign that something was happening inside. I knew it could be days still so I didn’t get my hopes up. We went to bed around 11:30 and I woke up to a powerful Braxton hicks contraction at 1 am. I was able to go right back to sleep but kept being woken up by these “powerful” BH every 10-12 minutes.

Finally at 2:30 I realized these were not BH they were real contractions. I was in awe. I kept falling asleep but around 3:30 something changed and suddenly the pressure of the contraction was making it way too hard to lay, let alone sleep. I got up and started walking around, pacing, and decided that I wanted to maybe get an idea of how long they were lasting and how far apart they were. They were 45-60 seconds long and 4-5 m apart. I was so excited. This had never happened to me before. I couldn’t believe I was feeling contractions.

I kept it to myself and just labored on alone in baby boy’s room and the bathroom, really anywhere I could get comfortable. I was feeling them up front but also had a strong pressure very low in the rectum area. Around 6 am things had picked up a little and I felt a small leak. I believed my water had broken. This was a fear of labor I had all along, because it’s what happened with the girls.

Anyway. I kept going but things started to slow way down. I was bummed. I showered and got ready and only had a few contractions. Ric went to work and things started picking back up. I had this unreal pressure in my bottom that never went away and intensified when I had a contraction. Ric came home around 11 and drove me up to Park City to meet with my chiro and my midwife as I already had my normal weekly visit scheduled.

I was checked and was told I was 1 cm, 90% effaced. I was excited but also a little sad because I felt like I worked so hard all morning and to only be a 1! But we went home and I kept on going. One of my beautiful doulas, Robynne Larsen Carter, and cousin/sis/doula Hillary came over and did some Rebozo stuff and essential oils on me.

We had realized that baby boy was posterior which made sense to me with how things were going. That evening things had started picking back up a little and Ric and I met my midwife and chiro at the birth center to get checked. I was told I was 2cm at that time and we decided that a foley bulb would be something to try and help me get to 4 or 5cm. It gave me some real motivation. We got home and it wasn’t even 10 minutes later the foley popped and came out. I knew that it happened for a reason. I was meant to do this on my own, I was meant to figure out what my body and baby needed to get him out.

Ric went to sleep around 3 am after my adorable doula Hillary came back to take over. She held me, tickled my back and helped me cope through all of the contractions. Around 6 am we took a walk. I suddenly had this energy again and I didn’t know where it came from as I was so exhausted. On the walk the contractions pretty much stopped again. We finished our walk and something changed. I started really feeling the contractions; they were way more painful and consistent for the most part. I wrote my team and we decided to meet at the birth center at 9 am to assess things and come up with a game plan.

My mom took the girls and we drove over to see what the plan would be. I was checked and was told I was 4 cm 100% effaced and baby was +2/3 station! Meaning LOW!!! But he was still posterior. Which explained my rectal pressure I was still having. She said, “well I think we are good to go upstairs and labor and have a baby.” I couldn’t believe my ears!!!!! I kept laboring on and on, changing positions, eating, drinking, doing everything I could do to get comfortable.

Hours later I was checked again and I was 6 cm. I was starting to doubt myself a little even though I’ve never been past 6 cm before; I was feeling like I couldn’t cope much longer. Ric, Danielle, and all my doulas kept reminding me that I was doing it and it would be okay. As the day went on I got more and more tired and just wanted a break but there was not going to be a break until he was here and I knew that. We needed this baby to flip anterior!!!

Around 5 pm or so we did an NST on him and I got all worried. Everyone seemed to be doing things around me but not really telling me what was happening. I looked at Ric, started to cry and told him I was scared. He looked me right in the eye and said, “I’M NOT SCARED! it’s going to be OK!” Right then I gathered this new confidence, remembered his words, and sat there straddling the toilet waiting to see what was going to happen.

Baby was great on the monitor and I suddenly had an urge to push. I didn’t know if I should be pushing so Danielle checked me. She didn’t really say much after and just walked away. I was so confused. She knew that she couldn’t tell me where I was at. I was obsessed and getting way into my head the entire day. Not even 5 minutes later she walks in and starts putting chux pads all over the floor. I looked at one of my doulas and said, “What is she doing, I’m confused.” Seconds later she brings in a squatting stool!!!

My eyes apparently opened wide; I knew what that meant but I didn’t think I could be ready. I turned to my doula again and said, “what is she doing?” And she said, “getting ready, I think it’s time to have a baby.” Danielle invited me over to the stool and set Ric up behind me. She checked me again and thought I was 9 cm, then said I was 7+ cm. She told me to hold on through the next contraction and then I was COMPLETE!!!! Words I always wanted to hear and never did.

She looked at me and said, “your baby is coming, it’s time to push!” I was so ready! Contractions felt good now and almost hard to recognize. Next contraction I pushed 3 times. I don’t feel like I ever held my breath, I just ROARED like a lion. She said, “Meagan feel your baby, he is right there!!!” I reached down and could feel his head!!!!!! This was happening! I looked all around me and saw the excitement on all my doulas’ faces and got a rush of adrenaline.

She said, “okay, next contraction, push again.” I took a deep breath and told myself you CAN do this! You’re strong!!! I pushed and felt an incredible amount of pressure. She said don’t push hold right there so I took a deep breath and just held as best as I could. She told me to give her some grunts. I did 2 grunts and I gave one more small push and she said, “Meagan, GRAB YOUR BABY!!!” I reached down, felt his head and made my way down to his shoulders where I could grab him and pulled him out and lifted him up on my chest! I couldn’t believe it!!!

Ric held me and we looked down at our baby boy! I looked all around the room and everyone was crying, I couldn’t believe what just happened. I did it, I actually did it!!!!! I pushed him out in 7 minutes. I kept saying, “YOU GUYS!!!! I DID IT!!!! YOU GUYS!!!! I DID IT!!!!” I held him and held him and he just chilled. He didn’t cry, he just had his hands open wide and looked around. I rubbed him and he started crying, the emotions were overbearing. After 38 1/2 hours of hard labor our sweet 6 lb 15 oz baby was here safe in our arms. Ric told me he was so proud of me and held me tight as we cried!!!

Later on I was told I had 0 tearing and was ready to head into the bedroom whenever I wanted. We walked in 25-30 minutes later and he started nursing right away! It was amazing! I am so grateful for the constant reassurance. Although I questioned myself many times, I had Ric and my team there to remind me I was strong and I could do it!!!!

I don’t know when the shock and excitement will ever wear off but as of right now I just want to share my story with everyone and talk about that moment over and over again. It was the most incredible experience. I want to tell the mommas who may be preparing for any VBAC to please believe in yourself. Study, do your research, talk with multiple doctors and go with your gut. Good luck to any VBAC mommas out there and thank you so much for letting me share my story with you today!birth8_1384445784903611_7620388125631222156_n