salt lake doula

Antepartum depression

I am SO excited to share this post with you today. Have you heard of the blog “A Good Mom” If you haven’t you should head over there and give it a read. Her name is Elise and when I found her blog i was captivated by her honesty, tips, view points and just over all simplicity. Something that Elise talks about on her blog is overcoming anxiety’s and depression. I contacted her to see if she would be willing to write a guest blog talking about antepartum depression and what she has done to get through those really hard times. Working in the birth world I feel like this specific need is often lost in the hype and excitement of having a new baby and everything should be super happy and nothing but. However Its not sometimes all happy and joyous. Join Elise on her incredible blog post as she shares her incredible story and the things she’s done to help her through this next pregnancy.

 If you’re experiencing antepartum depression it is OKAY. To seek for help click Here.<<<<

Elise Shares………

This has been one of my deepest, darkest secrets that I have been keeping to myself for several years now.

I am terrified to be sharing this with the universe, but I’m writing this because I feel that it needs to be said, and I need to help bring more awareness to antepartum depression.

A good mom blog shares on tiny blessings doula services blog about depression

When I found out that I was pregnant with my first, it was as beautiful as I ever imagined it would be.

I cried happy tears. I fell to my knees and thanked God. I was glowing for days!

Over time, my emotional state began to deteriorate.

Any time that I would make mention of the things that I was experiencing, I would hear things like “That’s normal.” “Pregnancy is hard for everyone.” “You’ll get through it.”

I never truly confided in anyone, not even my OBGYN at the time, about the intimate details of my emotional state for two reasons.

1. I was very embarrassed. And to be completely honest, I still am…

2. I downplayed it hard core thinking that it was just a normal part of pregnancy.

I WAS DEAD WRONG!

I was so physically sick that I lost 20 pounds over a period of 2 months. Keep in mind that I was already very thin and in shape.

That should tell you just how sick I was.

I was too sick to eat.

Most women eat, and then throw up. I was throwing up before I could get the fork to my mouth.

That’s not normal either.

My physical state was at it’s absolute worst.

Just to be brief- I was blacking out and passing out frequently, among other unpleasant things…

I just remember begging and pleading with God to spare my child!

I just wanted her to live!

Now I know that it is nothing short of a miracle that my fetus survived when I myself was hanging by a thread. Literally.

Now for a little science lesson of the day- your physical state is directly linked to your emotional state.

When you are suffering physically, you will also suffer emotionally.

But it was more than that for me.

I already suffered from depression prior to my pregnancy.

So to take my current (untreated) depression, and couple that with physically dying- it was a very ugly combination.

As much as I don’t want to go into the details of my emotional state at the time of my first pregnancy, I will.

I was suffering emotional breakdowns on just about a daily basis.

I would curl up in little corners, or in the shower, or on the floor and just felt like my spirit was perishing.

I had thoughts of harming myself

I had thoughts of suicide and death

My marriage was suffering gravely

I felt guilty. Oh so guilty for feeling the way that I did when I had so many friends and family members struggling with infertility. I thought that I should just be happy and grateful to be able to be pregnant!

I felt guilty that I hated myself and had such violent thoughts towards myself.

I felt that I wasn’t worthy of my child and that she deserved a better, stronger woman to carry her to birth.

I feared that my emotional state would never improve and that I would utterly fail as a mother.

The amount of hopelessness and worthlessness that I felt was overwhelming. And “overwhelming” is an absolute understatement.

I was one of the unfortunate women that was physically ill until I reached my 8th month of pregnancy.

Which means that I was suffering emotionally for those 8 months!

Once I started feeling better physically, I was finally able to follow a normal diet again.

I finally got to experience what a “normal pregnancy” would feel like.

For the last 2 months.

It’s fine.

That was when my emotional state improved DRAMATICALLY!

Like I said, there’s a direct correlation between the physical and mental state.

And I am very happy to report that my postpartum depression only lasted a week. ONE WEEK, PEOPLE!

And just like that, I was back to being me again!

So if you are feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is.

Here’s what I learned from this incredibly dark, lonely, and terrifying time of my life:

1. I can clearly see that I was not thinking straight. I should have consulted with my doctor about every grueling detail of my emotional state. Without reservations.

2. What I went through was NOT normal, and listening to other people say that it was- was the STUPIDEST thing that I have EVERRRR done to myself.

3. I will never put myself, or my unborn child at risk like that again. This will never be repeated. And I am happy to say that with this current pregnancy (I am 7 months pregnant currently), I was prepared. My doctor and I have been proactive about treating my sickness, and nipped the physical and emotional sickness in the bud before it ever even got close to getting out of hand! Hallelujah!

4. I don’t care about anybody else’s opinion. I will do WHATEVER it takes to keep myself healthy, and therefore my child healthy (and ALIVE). Even if that means taking medication while pregnant. Yep. I said it. And if you are judging me for that, then count yourself blessed that you are not one of 20% of other women that experience what I did during pregnancy.

5. What I went through, and what you may be going through is very real. It is serious. It is not in your head. It is not just part of pregnancy. It needs to be treated immediately, and if your current doctor is not validating you, then you need to find a new doctor who will.

6. I wish that I would have educated myself at the time, on the resources that were available to me! For instance- Doula Services!!!! Which is basically a source of emotional support- which would have been incredibly beneficial to me during such a fragile time.

Some women’s bodies handle pregnancy like a boss.

Other women’s bodies do not.

It is not my fault that my body hates being pregnant.

It is not in my control.

If you are one of those women too, then accept that you are not at fault and rid yourself of your guilt immediately.

Everyone reacts to pregnancy differently.

And in many, many cases, each woman’s body reacts differently to each pregnancy that she has!

Isn’t that awesome?

For a person like me with severe anxiety to have to deal with that much unpredictability is just great. (Not!)

Take heart.

There are resources out there for you.

If you are struggling with antepartum depression, or even postpartum depression-

Seek help IMMEDIATELY!!!

You are NOT weak!

You are NOT failing!

You are NOT doing anything wrong!

Your body is making the shots, and you are suffering the consequences.

Seek advice from a medical professional, or emotional support from another source such as a Doula.

Do NOT be afraid to try different things…even if it’s medication.

Especially if it means saving your life, your unborn child’s life, and/or your marriage.

Priorities.

For your sake, and your child’s sake, and your marriages sake, and for all of the sakes!

Take action.

And remember…This too shall pass.

You WILL make it through this.

YOU GOT THIS, MAMA!!!Meagan Heaton doula shares guest blog about antepartum depression

How to choose the sex of your baby Shettles Method…. Boy

HOW TO CHOOSE THE SEX OF YOUR BABY?

Something many people do not know about my little Webster (my VBA2C baby) is when we were trying to conceive him we did some “crazy” things during the process. My first two children were girls and we LOVED them of course but we really hoped for a little boy the next time around. I was told about the Shettles method. This method was how to try and get a certain sex. I rolled my eyes because I figured YA RIGHT, there is no way you can choose the sex of your baby. RIGHT??? Somehow I was still interested. (you can find it on amazon click the image below)

Doula tells about things she did to get a boyAt the time we were not quite ready to start trying for our third baby so I figured Id dig a little and see what information I could get on it. A friend of mine gave me the book Titled “How to choose the sex of your baby” She said that it was VERY important for me to read the entire thing not just the boy section. She did it with her kiddos and swore by it. Sooooo I started reading along. A lot of the information was very interesting to me. I started doing the things it said like tracking ovulation, temping, checking CM (cervical Mucus), and eating different. After a few months of doing this my husband said he was ready to start trying. I told my husband about the book and what I was learning. We knew that the third baby would possibly be our last child so I asked him what he thought about us trying the things in the book. He said sure, I suppose we can why not. I told my husband what I was doing and asked him to do a few things too.

“Let me tell you all this conception was anything but romantic ha ha”

THINGS WE DID TO GET A BOY!

HIM:  I told him he needed to start by cooling things down: My husband LOVES hot showers, unfortunately for him I needed him to take luke warm showers so his guys were not “overheated”. Scrotal temperature is something that is discussed in the book. A good scrotal temperature is one that is just less than the bodies temp, so keeping loose fitting unders, not sitting in a hot tub or taking hot showers, and not overheating while he worked out were the instructions I gave him. He also needed to drink caffeine just before we had sex. Who doens’t love a good excuse to drink Caffeine? Well, this is another thing that men can do before sex. He doesn’t drink coffee so I had him drink a nice cool Mountain Dew about 15 minutes before we had sex.

ME: I mentioned above a little about what I was doing however let me get into deeper detail for you. I talked about checking my CM. If you haven’t seen or heard of the term CM that means Cervical Mucus. This is something we make all month long and depending on how our CM texture is is how fertile we are. What you are looking for when you ovulate is “egg white” CM. This literally means just like it sounds it should look like egg whites clear and super stretchy. When having a girl your CM will look different because you want to catch things a little earlier than you would with a boy. In addition to checking CM I also took my temp every morning. I chose to take it vaginally, some do orally I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to temp as long as you’re temping every morning before getting out of bed and really trying to temp around the same day everyday. You may have heard about a Basil thermometer. I didn’t use a one but I did get a nicer one that read fast and accurately. Eating was a large thing for me as the book talked about keeping my Alkaline levels down. Staying away from Dairy, and focussing on raw fresh fruits and veggies. One of my favorite snacks was bananas with almonds sticking out of them. I also drank Alkaline water.

WHEN WE FOUND OUT WHAT WE WERE HAVING…. GIRL OR BOY???Doula In salt lake city tells how she got her boy

At 14 weeks I went into my doctors and begged for him to show me baby so we could see if we knew the sex because we were telling our parents on Christmas day and I wanted to give them an ultrasound with a bow on the head or a bow tie. He agreed and said it may be hard but we could see. When we were looking it appeared the baby was a girl. I was so excited but also super bummed. We told our family on Christmas day and we told my friend who gave us the book that we tried everything and we found out we were having a GIRL. She was ADAMANT that we didn’t do it correctly. I told her that we did everything to a T. She still swore to me that I must had missed something. Fast forward 6 weeks at our 20 week ultrasound. We walked in and started the visit. She did as most techs do starts at the head and moves down as they measure and check everything. I kept telling my husband AHHH look how cute she is, she’s a wiggler, etc etc. The tech stopped and looked at us??? She said Im so sorry but why do you keep calling this baby a girl? I said oh we found out a little early that she was a girl and told her what we chose to name her. She looked at us with a very strange look and said WELLLLLLL, this is a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT COULDN’T BE!!!!!!

She moved the arrow down and made it into a finger and pointed to what was MOST DEFINETLY     not a girl. I was shocked, my husband was shocked we couldn’t believe our eyes or ears. We walked out thinking WOW it worked. It actually worked!!!! When I told my friend she said she was wanting to have their last and really wanted to try for a girl. At this point I am a firm believer that the things I did had to of helped me right???? I told her all about the book and she started all the things to try for a girl. Guess what she got a girl. She has blogged about her story as well you can find that HERE. Our sweet boy just turned 2 and we just can’t get enough of him. If you would like to read more about this method check out the book

HOW TO CHOOSE THE SEX OF YOUR BABY” by Landrum Shettles and David Rorvik. 

Reflecting Back on my VBA2C!

Labor had been going for over 24 hours and I decided to go on a walk. The birds were chirping and the sun was just coming up. There was a calm presence to the neighborhood. Contractions had been lasting about 1 min long and were about 4-5 minutes apart and had been like that for hours. It was after that walk 6am sharp when things changed. I suddenly had a LOT of pressure and contractions were a solid 3 minutes apart lasting up to a minute and a half long. We called the midwife and agreed to meet at the birth center at 9am. It was that day i discovered a strength that I didn’t know that I had, learned to let go of fear and trust my body, and had my precious baby boy Vaginally after 2 cesarian sections. I was surrounded by an incredible birth team and will forever be grateful for them. I have spent all week reflecting back on the events that week. What a special time. Happy birthday to my baby  boy. My labor and VBA2C story

 

If you would like to read the full story visit the blog post HERE or my Facebook

Pregnancy/Postpartum Workout (Arms and Bums)

Pregnancy/Postpartum workout video number one (Arms and Bums)

Before I became a doula I taught a fitness barre class and dance. I love the feeling I get when I see someone sweat or smile after a workout. The feeling of accomplishment after a good burn is always something I look forward to when I walk into a class or start a workout. SO Today I started my own youtube channel. It is designed to help mothers perinatally, pregnant, and postpartum feel like they can get a good workout in their daily lives. Fitness is so important and even if it is 15 minutes I am feel great if I do it.

I am SUPER excited to have my first video up. (Arms and Bums) Along with being a mom, wife, and doula I have a love for fitness. These videos will be designed for those who would like to workout during pregnancy, after baby comes, and or anytime! Its designed for all. Thanks so much for all of your support!

>>>> Be sure to subscribe for more to come. LINK BELOW

SUBSCRIBE AND SEE MORE HERE